This story contains events I am not willing to expand on about my life. Its too traumatic. However below is a wonderful, touching story of how family love can transcend even after death.
There are yearly updates on the bottom of this article.
My grandfather on my fathers side was an amazing man. In life and after he passed. I remember how strong and tight his hugs where. As if saying he would always protect me and be near.
When I was really young I would go over and sit on his lap and he had a book in front of me, something about a black mouse with cheese. It was a very old book. He would read it to me, and even as I grew we read it. Eventually I could read it myself . I went over mostly on weekends.
Sundays were fun we watched the Twilight Zone and other scary old shows about paranormal stuff that came out in the 60 and 70s. My favourite show was the Gallery. And who could forget good ole Bob Ross painting away.
During Easter we would run down the block from my grandparents on my moms side to my dads side. Yes they were on either side of the block from each other. I had to run past all the drug and squatter homes where drug dogs tried to bite you at sidewalk length. But he made sure non of them got to me as I got closer. It was a crazy part of the city but within that area many good homes and people lived there. He was a quiet man at times but his eyes spoke alot. During Christmas Eve every year until he passed, my dads side of the family would rotate where the family party would be that year. He always seemed so important to me then, because the gifts were not to be opened from extended relatives until he showed up. He had his own chair to sit in and the grandkids would come over and talk to him and show affection. Then Christmas day he would come to our house in the morning after gifts were opened. Mom and Dad always said "wait for your grandfather to show up" and "hes bringing batteries and something special". I don't remember my grandmother showing up much at my parents house. I won't go into why I think might of been why. I have a few ideas. But once he showed up we would ask him how certain things work and he would show us. Put batteries in if needed. And sit and watch us.
Later when I began to grow up into my teenage years I still went over on weekends just not as much due to homework and jobs. But I still made time when I could and we saw each other during all the holidays. Then when my grandmother on my dads side passed I was there front row, up and center sitting beside him. I held his arm and as he stared forward, I told him things than comforted him. Also told him I would be there for him.
I've gone to many funerals. But due to how I perceive the world, funerals confuse me. I'll get into that in another post.
He seemed to be more quiet after she passed. He watched and listened to a pair of yellow birds in a cage near his chair alot. First year of college I got a phone call on my ole Nokia analogue phone saying "I'm coming to pick you up. Your grandfather is in the hospital in emerg." He was in the same city I was studying in. So my mom picked me up and off we went to the hospital.
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I got there and he was in a gurney bed in the emergency dept. I went up to him. He was lying on his back. I won't get into what happened but it was serious. It wasn't his heart of anything like that. I grabbed his hand he tried to sit up a bit and looked into my eyes with a scared face saying "i don't want to die" in scared tone. The reason why I'm adding that in because it comes important in my life almost 11 years later.
I told him I'd be there for him, I held his hand so tight as if not wanting him to feel he would die. Then he went into surgery. I was in the someones in surgery waiting room. Alot of my dads side was there too. He survived it, but now it was a waiting game. I would spend the night in a makeshift cot in an ICU waiting room then off to college during the day then repeat. During class my mom called again, 'saying it was getting close and the family priest would be coming in for last rites'. So sat with homework in the waiting room.
That night after catholic ritual of last rites, everyone called as many people we could to come now its that time. People from all over southern Ontario gathered, taking turns in his room to say goodbye.
There was 4 people in the room I think, this was back around 2001 maybe. My mom and me, my aunt she passed recently and another of my dads sisters. I was on the left of my grandfather near his chest holding his hand. He had a DNR. I will keep some of what was going on private. However my own experience I had that night I will share.
Just moments before he passed I had a life changing event happen. The room got bright, the ceiling disappeared as if being over taken by light, light like orbs, swirls of energy and what looked like a huge divine portal of energy opening up. I saw energy come down and go near him. One stood behind his head and began to place its hands under his head and did a lifting upward motion. A motion someone would do to help lift someone up from lying to sitting. As this light being did this, I could see a light which felt like warmth and love lift off of my grandfathers body. I guess visuals are like seeing a soul being lifted gently out. Then I saw many hands grab for this soul and carry him upward towards the light. All this from start to finish took about 4 or 5 minutes.
Quickly after that he passed physically. I didn't say anything the whole time assuming I would scare my family. I told my mom about it. She just smiled. As they cried once he passed I didn't. What I just saw was something I've never read about or heard about. People crossing over into the light sure, but this detailed, vivid, eyes physically seeing such an important part of life and death.
Years later I finished college. I was worried about leaving to out west and leaving my family behind. It was a 7 hour plane ride away. One night I had a dream where my grandfather came to me. In the dream, I was sitting on my front porch. I was just staring at the ground, then I heard his voice. I saw him walking up the sidewalk towards me. He came up and hugged me. I cried in his arms, he said it was going to be okay he would keep a look out for them (them being my family I was leaving behind). He said nothing bad would happen to them. That this is the chance, because I was young to start a new time in my life with the one I loved and make my own family. To experience the world and travel. Like how I did. (He was a WW2 survivor). I cried for a while longer then the dream ended. I woke up and said OK I'm doing this! And I did I left for 3 years until we moved back for work related changes.
He came strong into my life again the night of my traumatic event. I won't be talking about that night. Too vivid even after 7 years. But I will be talking about how my grandfather has been around me more since then. Almost nightly in dreams and the sensation of feeling him around daily at times.
The night of the event, as everything was happening in slow motion. It always seems that way in those types of situations. I member screaming out, " I don't want to die!" The same thing he said to me as I held his hand that night. Even though I felt like I died mentally and physically that night I was still alive on this earth. I came close to dying in my opinion, left alone and in bad shape.
In the last 7 years, he has helped me stay strong to get through the process of it all. He showed me dreams of his time in the field in WW2 as if what I was going through was a battle for my life. That you will have good days and bad days. That this whole process was like war and there would be many battles to fight. And on top of that mental and physical healing.
I also had dreams where I went to where he used to live. It was in the family for years. At the time his family had taken it over. So much family was there from generations back. Some found me odd looking. I don't look like a normal person sometimes. Some came up to me and welcomed me. But my grandfather would go by them and tell them to give me space and I would just hug him tight and cry. Saying 'I can't do this the pain and not having a normal life was killing me inside." he would reply " Yes you can, it will get better if you keep fighting". Then would tell me stories about his WW2 life about how to overcome certain things. I would go to him alot, cry hysterical, and didn't want to let go. But allowing myself to cry helped me release so much tension inside. In the real world it was hard on my body, creating symptoms.
During the process, 1 day was an important event I had to go to. I felt him so strongly could smell him. To hard to describe his smell. No its not old person smell. And he didn't smoke. As I was having a bad PTSD moment I felt a warm hand touch my face. It felt tingly and statically and felt like a human hand pressure. I felt so calm as if he was taking it away to help me get through that event.
The dreams continued, with me venting and him guiding me more. During my bad episode days, I could feel him near me as well. Some moments feeling so bad physically I would be awake for days, then hear his voice, I'd focus on it then instantly be out cold. As if he was taking me to a place to rest my mind and body for a while.
Astral projecting, journeying, lets one do that. Its an amazing gift I was blessed with.
Now that the process is over with, hes still been around but more as a coach on how to fight to get back to the world of the living. After years of isolation and pain and stress. I still vent to him, but now that his generational family home is on the market we go to the lake, near where his home was. Or he comes to me.
I love my grandfather so much, to have him as a guide with wisdom of war and how to fight for ones life and to stay alive. I feel so loved back. I know I can do it! Might take time, blood, sweat and tears. But if he can survive WW2, I can find a way to adapt and find my way back into the world of the living.
*Update 2018*
Some days if I have trouble with my TBI, I like to talk to my grandfather over the Spud Pickles Ghost Radar free app on my laptop.
Before the Holidays I was very stressed out, family can cause drama at times. So I started the app and tuned myself. If I don't do that I get feedback from the haunted buildings and land around me, coming from outside my homes barriers. Anyways, some of the words used to confirm it was him to start off was: army, grandfather and batteries. It began to bring out words after each question or query. Some where: behaviour, sift, union, wealth and traverse.
Ok I will break them down to what they mean to me. My grandfather was in WW2 and every Christmas morning he would visit and bring batteries for toys we got. Behaviour pertained to the Holiday drama, sifting was for talking about the drama to find solutions, union is family acceptance or love, wealth was having family and they are healthy, traverse well its a word in itself.
While I was down for the Holidays I also visited his grave site. I boxed out the visible cemetery marker information for family privacy. I started the tradition of putting rocks found nearby onto his marker. Now everyone does it.
*Update 2019*
I used the Ghost Radar app again. I had it on in the background, after I was looking at a picture my mother gave me when I was visiting for the Holidays. I was back from 1998 I was in high school. I won't be posting the picture of us due to family privacy. In it I was hugging him and he was hugging back. I was wondering if I should post it online to my personal FB page to show family there. The first word that came out was POST. As I recalled that day and said do you remember? I and I miss you. Then out loud I got 3 more words. Won't, Forget and Life. So I posted that on FB as well for family to see.
There are yearly updates on the bottom of this article.
My grandfather on my fathers side was an amazing man. In life and after he passed. I remember how strong and tight his hugs where. As if saying he would always protect me and be near.
When I was really young I would go over and sit on his lap and he had a book in front of me, something about a black mouse with cheese. It was a very old book. He would read it to me, and even as I grew we read it. Eventually I could read it myself . I went over mostly on weekends.
Sundays were fun we watched the Twilight Zone and other scary old shows about paranormal stuff that came out in the 60 and 70s. My favourite show was the Gallery. And who could forget good ole Bob Ross painting away.
During Easter we would run down the block from my grandparents on my moms side to my dads side. Yes they were on either side of the block from each other. I had to run past all the drug and squatter homes where drug dogs tried to bite you at sidewalk length. But he made sure non of them got to me as I got closer. It was a crazy part of the city but within that area many good homes and people lived there. He was a quiet man at times but his eyes spoke alot. During Christmas Eve every year until he passed, my dads side of the family would rotate where the family party would be that year. He always seemed so important to me then, because the gifts were not to be opened from extended relatives until he showed up. He had his own chair to sit in and the grandkids would come over and talk to him and show affection. Then Christmas day he would come to our house in the morning after gifts were opened. Mom and Dad always said "wait for your grandfather to show up" and "hes bringing batteries and something special". I don't remember my grandmother showing up much at my parents house. I won't go into why I think might of been why. I have a few ideas. But once he showed up we would ask him how certain things work and he would show us. Put batteries in if needed. And sit and watch us.
Later when I began to grow up into my teenage years I still went over on weekends just not as much due to homework and jobs. But I still made time when I could and we saw each other during all the holidays. Then when my grandmother on my dads side passed I was there front row, up and center sitting beside him. I held his arm and as he stared forward, I told him things than comforted him. Also told him I would be there for him.
I've gone to many funerals. But due to how I perceive the world, funerals confuse me. I'll get into that in another post.
He seemed to be more quiet after she passed. He watched and listened to a pair of yellow birds in a cage near his chair alot. First year of college I got a phone call on my ole Nokia analogue phone saying "I'm coming to pick you up. Your grandfather is in the hospital in emerg." He was in the same city I was studying in. So my mom picked me up and off we went to the hospital.
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This is where if family is reading this. You might want to stop if you cannot handle that which cannot be seen or heard by regular people. And this will be hard to read at times. But keep in mind its also a loving story of how strong bonds can never be broken. And that through pain and suffering one can change someone else's life. I do this write up in the upmost respect of his memory. I did leave alot of parts out.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I got there and he was in a gurney bed in the emergency dept. I went up to him. He was lying on his back. I won't get into what happened but it was serious. It wasn't his heart of anything like that. I grabbed his hand he tried to sit up a bit and looked into my eyes with a scared face saying "i don't want to die" in scared tone. The reason why I'm adding that in because it comes important in my life almost 11 years later.
I told him I'd be there for him, I held his hand so tight as if not wanting him to feel he would die. Then he went into surgery. I was in the someones in surgery waiting room. Alot of my dads side was there too. He survived it, but now it was a waiting game. I would spend the night in a makeshift cot in an ICU waiting room then off to college during the day then repeat. During class my mom called again, 'saying it was getting close and the family priest would be coming in for last rites'. So sat with homework in the waiting room.
That night after catholic ritual of last rites, everyone called as many people we could to come now its that time. People from all over southern Ontario gathered, taking turns in his room to say goodbye.
There was 4 people in the room I think, this was back around 2001 maybe. My mom and me, my aunt she passed recently and another of my dads sisters. I was on the left of my grandfather near his chest holding his hand. He had a DNR. I will keep some of what was going on private. However my own experience I had that night I will share.
Just moments before he passed I had a life changing event happen. The room got bright, the ceiling disappeared as if being over taken by light, light like orbs, swirls of energy and what looked like a huge divine portal of energy opening up. I saw energy come down and go near him. One stood behind his head and began to place its hands under his head and did a lifting upward motion. A motion someone would do to help lift someone up from lying to sitting. As this light being did this, I could see a light which felt like warmth and love lift off of my grandfathers body. I guess visuals are like seeing a soul being lifted gently out. Then I saw many hands grab for this soul and carry him upward towards the light. All this from start to finish took about 4 or 5 minutes.
Quickly after that he passed physically. I didn't say anything the whole time assuming I would scare my family. I told my mom about it. She just smiled. As they cried once he passed I didn't. What I just saw was something I've never read about or heard about. People crossing over into the light sure, but this detailed, vivid, eyes physically seeing such an important part of life and death.
Years later I finished college. I was worried about leaving to out west and leaving my family behind. It was a 7 hour plane ride away. One night I had a dream where my grandfather came to me. In the dream, I was sitting on my front porch. I was just staring at the ground, then I heard his voice. I saw him walking up the sidewalk towards me. He came up and hugged me. I cried in his arms, he said it was going to be okay he would keep a look out for them (them being my family I was leaving behind). He said nothing bad would happen to them. That this is the chance, because I was young to start a new time in my life with the one I loved and make my own family. To experience the world and travel. Like how I did. (He was a WW2 survivor). I cried for a while longer then the dream ended. I woke up and said OK I'm doing this! And I did I left for 3 years until we moved back for work related changes.
He came strong into my life again the night of my traumatic event. I won't be talking about that night. Too vivid even after 7 years. But I will be talking about how my grandfather has been around me more since then. Almost nightly in dreams and the sensation of feeling him around daily at times.
The night of the event, as everything was happening in slow motion. It always seems that way in those types of situations. I member screaming out, " I don't want to die!" The same thing he said to me as I held his hand that night. Even though I felt like I died mentally and physically that night I was still alive on this earth. I came close to dying in my opinion, left alone and in bad shape.
In the last 7 years, he has helped me stay strong to get through the process of it all. He showed me dreams of his time in the field in WW2 as if what I was going through was a battle for my life. That you will have good days and bad days. That this whole process was like war and there would be many battles to fight. And on top of that mental and physical healing.
I also had dreams where I went to where he used to live. It was in the family for years. At the time his family had taken it over. So much family was there from generations back. Some found me odd looking. I don't look like a normal person sometimes. Some came up to me and welcomed me. But my grandfather would go by them and tell them to give me space and I would just hug him tight and cry. Saying 'I can't do this the pain and not having a normal life was killing me inside." he would reply " Yes you can, it will get better if you keep fighting". Then would tell me stories about his WW2 life about how to overcome certain things. I would go to him alot, cry hysterical, and didn't want to let go. But allowing myself to cry helped me release so much tension inside. In the real world it was hard on my body, creating symptoms.
During the process, 1 day was an important event I had to go to. I felt him so strongly could smell him. To hard to describe his smell. No its not old person smell. And he didn't smoke. As I was having a bad PTSD moment I felt a warm hand touch my face. It felt tingly and statically and felt like a human hand pressure. I felt so calm as if he was taking it away to help me get through that event.
The dreams continued, with me venting and him guiding me more. During my bad episode days, I could feel him near me as well. Some moments feeling so bad physically I would be awake for days, then hear his voice, I'd focus on it then instantly be out cold. As if he was taking me to a place to rest my mind and body for a while.
Astral projecting, journeying, lets one do that. Its an amazing gift I was blessed with.
Now that the process is over with, hes still been around but more as a coach on how to fight to get back to the world of the living. After years of isolation and pain and stress. I still vent to him, but now that his generational family home is on the market we go to the lake, near where his home was. Or he comes to me.
I love my grandfather so much, to have him as a guide with wisdom of war and how to fight for ones life and to stay alive. I feel so loved back. I know I can do it! Might take time, blood, sweat and tears. But if he can survive WW2, I can find a way to adapt and find my way back into the world of the living.
Some days if I have trouble with my TBI, I like to talk to my grandfather over the Spud Pickles Ghost Radar free app on my laptop.
Before the Holidays I was very stressed out, family can cause drama at times. So I started the app and tuned myself. If I don't do that I get feedback from the haunted buildings and land around me, coming from outside my homes barriers. Anyways, some of the words used to confirm it was him to start off was: army, grandfather and batteries. It began to bring out words after each question or query. Some where: behaviour, sift, union, wealth and traverse.
Ok I will break them down to what they mean to me. My grandfather was in WW2 and every Christmas morning he would visit and bring batteries for toys we got. Behaviour pertained to the Holiday drama, sifting was for talking about the drama to find solutions, union is family acceptance or love, wealth was having family and they are healthy, traverse well its a word in itself.
While I was down for the Holidays I also visited his grave site. I boxed out the visible cemetery marker information for family privacy. I started the tradition of putting rocks found nearby onto his marker. Now everyone does it.
I used the Ghost Radar app again. I had it on in the background, after I was looking at a picture my mother gave me when I was visiting for the Holidays. I was back from 1998 I was in high school. I won't be posting the picture of us due to family privacy. In it I was hugging him and he was hugging back. I was wondering if I should post it online to my personal FB page to show family there. The first word that came out was POST. As I recalled that day and said do you remember? I and I miss you. Then out loud I got 3 more words. Won't, Forget and Life. So I posted that on FB as well for family to see.